- Jorah: Khaleesi, don't do the thing.
- Dany: I, Daenerys Stormborn, of House Targaryen, the Unburnt Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, did the thing.
like it’s happening right fucking now I’m sitting here clacking on my keyboard and then suddenly I’m nodding forward but I go lay down and it’s like “man you’re not even sleepy what the fuck you doin man”
A thought had been on John’s mind since Dave’s comment about cutting his lip while sucking Tavros’s dick, and that was that Dave sucked dick.
Dave sucked dick.
Dave Strider sucked dick.
Dave Strider, his friend and compadre through thick and thin, whose ass he’d saved and been saved by countless times through numerous means, was a polisher of the pendulous pork sword.
It haunted every spare moment of his thoughts. Never on the surface, never something he could point to and say, aha! It was always while sitting on a soft chair after a frustrating day, his legs cocked open slightly in relaxation, and in the corner of his eye, the corner of his mind, he’d feel a twitch in his pants, and could imagine the gentle brush of blond hair against his skin. Then there’s a sound from the television or around the house, and he doesn’t even startle, his brain just changes attention and the thought fades away, only to return later when he was in the shower. It wasn’t until a particularly explicit dream that he realized what he’d even been fantasizing about.
He wanted to fuck Dave’s mouth; wanted to push the head of his cock against Dave’s pursed lips until they parted with a smirk and let his flesh slide inch by inch into the warmth; wanted to squirm under the same pressure that Dave cut his lip with in the first place; wanted to feel that tongue slide out of Dave’s mouth while Dave’s nose was getting a good strong whuff of his pubic hair and play with his balls.
He wasn’t sure where the end of the dream had come from, but it seemed to John like it was really hot and something that Dave could totally do. There was nothing he wanted more right then than for his best friend to put his penis in his mouth. But Dave was in a relationship, right? How the fuck would he even breach the subject, let alo-
“Yo, ‘Berts, I’m home early. Anything you want to do tonight?”
“Can you suck my dick?” The words were blurted before John could even stop to think about it, and his hands were clamped to his mouth in shock before he could even attempt to play it off as a crude joke. Dave stood in the archway, and tilted his head forward so that John could see one red eye peeking out from behind the glasses.
“Thought dudes weren’t your thing.” Dave’s question and scrutinizing glare had John flustered in embarrassment.
“They aren’t! It’s just,” John had to stop to think about a reasonable way to word what he was trying to say, but couldn’t, so he got defensive. “Well, what about you? We’ve been living together for how long? And suddenly you’re all up on the man-meat like it was on-fucking-sale at the deli. What gives, dude?”
“Yeah, that’s my business, not yours. I was just bringing it up because of the multitude of assertions that you totally didn’t want the cock anywhere near you, and that dudes doing it was, quote, ‘ew. Gay.’ Your words, bro.”
John wanted to feel like Dave was being unfair to him, but John knew Dave was right. He remembered how a few of his comments had gotten out of hand, and how he’d hurt some people’s feelings. He also remembered that he’d spent the last week fantasizing about sticking his dick in the face of his best bro, and he felt ashamed. “I’m sorry, man, I’m just kind of horny, and you sucked Tavros’s dick, and-“
“Yo, John, I’d be kind of careful with what you say next, because I’m deffo not diggety-down with what you’re saying right now.” Dave’s face was carefully empty of emotion, and John was afraid.
“Shit, like, I don’t know? It’s you who sucked Tavros’s dick.”
“Yes, we’ve established with this.”
“Youuuuuuuuuuu who sucked Tavros’s dick.”
“‘Berts, I’m not following, because right now I’m still just hearing you wanting to use my mouth as a fleshlight simply because I like one dude’s dick.”
“I’m fucking jealous, okay!” John watched Dave’s face soften immediately. Dave rubbed at a spot on his forehead and sighed.
“The plot thickens. Let me go talk to the Brahma Bull and I’ll let you know.” Dave walked past John, and John began to panic.
“No, dude, you don’t have to, like-“
“Dude, it’s fine. Let me talk to the big T-man, and I’ll see about slobbering my gob all over your knob, so just chill.”
Dave turned around and held out his hand to halt John; John stopped in his tracks. “John, it’s okay. Really.” Dave turned around and walked into his room, and John heard the musical tones of Dave’s computer’s start up sequence. Moments later, there was furious clicking as Dave typed at the impossible speed that he did, followed by long pauses which only could have been his waiting for Tavros to respond. A minute later, Dave walked out the door. John started prematurely finishing so that he g
“This is Houston, mission to planet man-mouth is a go. Get your pocket rocket ready for liftoff.”
“Fuck, are you sure?”
“Yeah dude, it’s fine.”
“Tavros is okay with it?”
“He thinks you’re pretty cute and wouldn’t mind plowing the hills in your backyard if you wouldn’t mind hefting his meaty tool into your booty burrow.”
John was utterly flabbergasted. Dave looked so very serious. “Did he seriously fucking say that?” John said. Dave’s poker-face cracked into a grin as he shook his head.
“Naw, he mostly just stuttered and filled my chatlogs with commas and said he was okay so long as he got exclusive rights to diving his skin submarine into my Mari-manass Trench in search of booty.”
“Okay, he didn’t say that like that, though, right?”
“Actually, that’s word for word how he typed it out. I’m getting him to work on his extended metaphors, but he uses too many cliches and most of the things he says smacks of Peter Pan or Pirates of the Caribbean. Major props to the pun, though.”
“Yeah, big props. Mari-manass. That’s pretty clever.” John stood there awkwardly as his words dissipated slowly into the air. He felt claustrophobic, like the house was closing in on him. He wasn’t expecting Dave to actually agree to it, or even know he’d been thinking about it. It was supposed to just be kind of a secret jerk-off material thing or something. Fuck. John noticed that Dave was staring him down over the rim of his shades.
“So, Eggs, we gonna do this or what? Or do you want to, like, get something to drink first, build up your courage, prep yourself for the ultimate dick sucking of a lifetime? Like, I warn you, I’ve won medals for this shit. Took home the gold at the Super Bowl for being the batter who scored the hole in one from down town in the Fellatio Finals of the Dick Sucking Competition. You’ll bust a nut like a fucking maniac squirr-“
“Yeah, Dave. Drinks. Dick. Mouth. Yeah.” Smooth, John Egbert.
Ever been so tired you could fall asleep if you blink too hard but then you lay down and it’s like “nah brah we got this you can stay up for a bit longer”
when someone’s been repeatedly said “toast” to me, i’m always surprised when they’re not always saying “toast” like that to random people all the time. like i expect them to be this shrill caricature of toast-saying or something. and i see them using other words, and i start doubting that the conversation ever took place.
What the fuck are you talking about? Who says “toast” a lot? That makes no sense.